What Postpartum is Really Like
Getting down and dirty about postpartum life in the first few days…
When I was wheeled out of my cozy hospital room with my baby in my arms, I thought to myself "Shit just got real!." My husband rolled me into the elevator and I began to cry. How could I be entrusted to care for this incredible little baby? What did I know?! What am I going to do? I was terrified, but I couldn't cry. I couldn't laugh or cough either, as each time I did, I felt that my organs were literally about to fall out of my body...
Getting home after having your baby can literally feel like you got run over by a bus and while still needing to care for a tiny little human, while you're still recovering. Yet somehow, taking care of your new little addition is all you want to do. WTF?!
Although I took all the classes known to man about how to prepare for a birth, when I came home, I suddenly was filled with fear. I had no clue what to expect.
The First Night Home
I remember that my body suddenly felt completely foreign to me. My boobs were larger than life. My stomach was still large but empty. My skin was loose. I had an ice pack between my legs and couldn't sit down without the cushion of a soft pillow. Everything ached. Everything felt weird, and yet, there was this incredible miraculous little person who I couldn't take my eyes off of.
The first night home, my family decided to host a dinner for me, welcoming our new son. BAD IDEA. All I could think about were the germs in the air and that so many people were at my house. I felt responsible for this new life and I needed to make sure he was safe. I felt so overwhelmed that I spent most of that evening crying in my bedroom.
I loved him so much already but was literally wining it! I guess that really sums up motherhood. Some moms are germ freaks (like me). Others have anxiety about different things. What I do know is that as moms, we really need to trust our instincts. It's our most valuable super power. We will figure it out. I learned that the more confidence I gained as a mother, the more at ease I was as well, and the more at ease I was. the better everything flowed. It too time, but that first night was a huge accomplishment and I began to hear that voice telling me that "I can do this!"